Good Excuse #4

Positively reinforce someone for a job well done. What I mean is when you see something you appreciate, like good service in a restaurant, someone being helpful to a stranger, or as simple as a person who is smartly dressed, don’t keep it to yourself. Let them know. If you thought enough to notice it, and would like to see more of that behavior in the world, make sure you reinforce it.

Many people think it is a mistake to let bad behavior (e.g. poor service, rudeness, sloppy dress) go unpunished. I believe it is more of a mistake to let good deeds go unreinforced. People crave attention. Positive attention has more power to influence the world in a positive direction than negative attention.

Be prepared for some odd reactions. Some people rarely get positive reinforcement. They won’t know how to take it. Don’t be deterred. Remember the last time someone let you know that what you did was appreciated (it may have been a while). It felt good, didn’t it? So even if they don’t seem to be affected by what you say know that you have added a positive to a life that may be filled with negatives.

Make the appreciation easier to accept.

Something that might help when giving your appreciation is to end your statement with a question. For example:

• To a waitress in a busy restaurant – “I admire how calmly you are handling this lunch rush. How long have you worked here?”
• To someone who has helped a stranger carry a heavy load – “That was kind of you to give them a hand. Is it your policy to help strangers in need?”
• To someone who is smartly dressed – “That is a sharp pair of shoes. Where did you pick those up?”

By asking a question right after your reinforcing statement you give the person something to respond to other than the spotlight of positive attention. It will be less awkward for most people, yourself included. As I said, many people do not know how to handle positive reinforcement.

If someone were to come up to you and say, “You’re great,” it would be difficult to come up with a gracious response, wouldn’t it?

It would be much easier if they said, “You’re great. How did you get so good at that?” Now you have been given something with which you can move the conversation forward. You can let the appreciation sink in while you explain the work that went in to making it look so easy, for example.

Have fun with this one. You will not only positively influence someone else you will do the same for yourself.

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Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Strategy #7: Give yourself negative consequences to avoid
• Strategy #5: Make the behavior more difficult to do
• The four consequences that shape behavior
• Positivication