A simple approach to goals: Part four
Setting goals gives us direction. The achievement of those goals is not in our control. This is not a pessimistic attitude it is reality. Nor is it a cop out. Our intention is absolutely to achieve our goals. By accepting the premise that we can only influence our results by our behavior we keep our focus where it belongs: on ourselves and what we do (i.e. our thoughts, words, and deeds).
An example.
It’s easiest to explain what I have in mind through an example. Let’s say that I have a goal of becoming a New York Times best selling author. How can I control that outcome?
It’s obvious that I can’t. Nothing that I can do will guarantee that I will achieve my goal. That is what control implies, right? Control is the ability to command. I can’t command consumers to buy my book. I can’t even command that a literary agent take me on and offer my book to a publishing house. If the sheer brilliance* of my writing does not compel people to buy what I’m selling that’s how it is. I accept that.
So what can I do? I can write the best book which I am able. I can send query letters to various publishers. I can contact an agent. I can submit my manuscript for consideration. In other words, I can do all I can do and adapt my approach as I learn what it will take.
What it takes.
You see, for a goal to be achieved it takes what it takes. No one can tell you what that will be. Not even someone who seems to have achieved the same goal before. Not even if you have achieved the same goal in the past. Circumstances do not stay the same. Even one tiny change in circumstances can change what is now needed to achieve a goal.
I do my best to focus on my own behavior. I just do what I am aware I must do and let events unfold as they may. Then I adapt my approach according to the results I am getting.
Goal to behavior.
The TWD twist is this: I take whatever my goal is and I translate it into behaviors. Therefore, the goal of best selling author becomes:
- Write 1000 words daily, at least five days a week
- Finish current novel and begin new one
- Write and submit three query letters per week until manuscript requested
- Network with other writers
- Acquire an agent
- And whatever else I determine is necessary
By making my goal into behaviors I put myself in control. If the behaviors that I deem important are what it takes to achieve my actual goal (best selling author) then I will have success. I will have done what it takes. If what I am doing is not what it takes I will need to adapt my approach until I get it right.
How to be successful.
The beauty of this is that I have taken the pressure off myself. I am not trying to control the uncontrollable. I am controlling myself. I can absolutely be successful at controlling my own behavior. I retain my peace of mind by exercising that self-control.
So that’s my simple habit. I always take what I want, no matter what it happens to be, and make it into behavior that I can control. This is where the power in my life has always been. It is not in the wanting, or the goal setting. It’s always been in my own hands, so to speak.
Through behavior you create the action that yields the results you are after. By using your own thoughts, words, and deeds you put yourself at cause in your own life. That feels good, doesn’t it?
*“Sheer brilliance” is my own humble opinion, of course. 
08.04.18 at 21:11
I think your posts about goals are really good, but sadly, I have a horrible time with goals.
I usually can’t set them and I almost never achieve them.
I often wonder if they are even affective at all, but so many people swear by them.
I can see the benefit in having goals and working toward them, but I don’t know why they don’t seem to work for me.
Well, I guess I do use the tiny, everyday goals marginally.
An example would be remembering to put out the trash.
Well, I guess everyone has to start somewhere!
08.04.20 at 10:13
You do have goals. Having learned to play all those instruments you mentioned came about as a direct result of wanting to learn to play them. So you already do this stuff.
The reason to designate some thoughts as Dreams and other thoughts as Goals is to learn to trust yourself. By knowing the difference between matters of integrity (i.e. a goal) and flights of fancy (i.e. a dream) you free yourself from much confusion and frustration.
When a dream is a source of stress, not a source of joy, you can be sure you consider it a goal. You think you should be doing something to achieve it.
Imagine thinking that every desire that flits through your mind is to be acted upon. Your time and energy are finite. You can obviously only pursue some of those desires. All the ones that are not pursued cause grief. “Why aren’t I doing more? How come I can’t be perfect? I don’t have enough time. There’s too much I need to do.”
That is why setting goals is important. Not because the process has some magical ability to cause goals to come into reality. But because it enables you to make choices about what is important to you. When you have decided what is important you can leave the rest of your desires alone without feeling that you are letting yourself down.
You do not even need to write anything down. It helps but it’s not absolutely necessary. Writing stuff down is a way to designate a difference between a goal and a dream. If you can do this without putting pencil to paper that’s fine. Find what works for you.
Use goals and dreams to sort out your thinking. That is the purpose I see for using any goal setting system at all.
08.04.20 at 10:47
Thanks! That was really helpful!