Your standard of consistency

There is an all-pervading standard to which you reference your thoughts, words, and deeds. Any behavior in which you partake is judged against this standard. Some refer to it as the comfort zone, the self-concept, or the self-image. I call it Self-Identity.

Your Self-Identity is a work in progress. It is constantly growing, contracting, shifting. At the same time it has a solid core that is resistant to change. It can change both quickly (think how instantly a phobia develops) and slowly (think how long it can take to break a bad habit).

The easiest way to imagine the Self-Identity is with two simple phrases:

1. That’s like me.
2. That’s not like me.

That’s like me.

“That’s like me” is when you do things that fit your idea of who you are as a person. You generally won’t say this phrase to yourself but this is the sentiment. You won’t even feel anything special because you are just being yourself.

To be who you are is easy. It is your automatic pilot, your cruise control. You wake up in the morning and this idea of who you are (what you like, what you dislike, your preference of foods, how you interact with people, your attitude toward escalators, how honest you are, etc.) is ready to be accessed as needed. You don’t have to consider what comes naturally to you, it’s all there in your Self-Identity.

That’s not like me.

“That’s not like me” is when you are doing something contrary to who you see yourself being. Your behavior does not fit your Self-Identity. You generally won’t say this to yourself either but you will feel it. It’s that hole in the pit of your stomach just before you make a presentation at the front of the class – “I don’t like speaking in public.” It’s that feeling of discomfort when you wear a bright yellow shirt – “I don’t dress like this. I’m conservative. What will people think?”

It is known as the comfort zone for just this reason. When you stay within it, being who you are and doing what you do, you are comfortable. When you stray outside this zone, trying new behaviors and being someone you are not, you are uncomfortable.

Your idea of you as a habit.

Another way of considering the Self-Identity is as a habit. Habits are the brain’s way of streamlining effort. If we had to continually be conscious of every behavior we produce as we go about our day we would not bother doing much at all. The effort would be too great.

Remember how awkward riding a bike was the first few attempts. Once you got the hang of it, no problem. And now you don’t even consider it. You just think about your destination and off you go. The same goes for learning anything new.

Most of what you do all day is a result of the habits you have developed. Your Self-Identity is a conglomeration of your habitual thoughts about yourself. Just like a habit it can be to your benefit or to your detriment.

The moral of the story.

Remember that story I wrote as an introduction to the principle of consistency? I said the decision to invite your lifelong friend as a partner in your business venture was the natural and only decision you could make. I was, of course, referring to the Self-Identity. Anywhere you go there you are.

Any time you give yourself a goal you are usually going to have to make use of some new behaviors. Those new behaviors are not currently part of your Self-Identity. Wouldn’t it be great to simply decide, for example, that you will exercise every other day for 30 minutes before work and presto, the habit was locked in. It doesn’t work like that. Just as the Self-Identity develops gradually so will the new behaviors you are trying to introduce.

The good news is that you can change your Self-Identity on purpose. When we have concluded a basic introduction to the entire philosophy of TWD we will begin exploring how to use it to our advantage. For now I want to make sure that you understand all the parts before we put them to use.